The Difference Between Boys and Girls -- School Edition

Mom: "What did you do at school today?"
Son: "Stuff--I can't remember."
Mom: "Really? Can you tell me just one thing you did?"
Son: "Ummmmm Nope."
Mom: "I'd really like to hear about something you did today."
Son: "Sure...the same stuff we do everything. Think about something else I told you before."



Mom: "What did you do at school today?"
Daughter: "I hung my backpack on a hook by Morgan 'cuz she was wearing a pink shirt today, too. Then we got to play for a little, then had circle time where T.I. got to be the window looker and tell us about the weather, but I don't think he should have got picked 'cuz he wasn't nice to me last Tuesday. Then we had a story and it was about a boy that lived where there was lots of snow and he used trees to make snow shoes so he could see his animals and his Grandma so next time we see Grandma and want to cut down her trees to make shoes. Then we got to have art and painted with our fingers. I used these two fingers because Miss Michelle said to not use our thumbs or pinkies but Jackson used these two fingers then Gwen said that wasn't nice fingers to use but I don't know why. They're just fingers. Then we had number time and we counted all the way to 50 but I can go more. Then at stations I did blocks and bears and did my whole sheet all by myself 'cuz I can do it. But it was too cold and muddy outside so we played inside and learned how to golf and I told them that my daddy had been before and they said their daddy had too, but I don't think that's right. Then Miss Michelle showed me how to told my hands and I hit the ball and got it in the hole and all of us cheered. Then it was lunch and Miss Michelle sprayed the tables and we had Macaroni and Cheese and milk and no one knew what the brown stuff was but Jackson said it was poo and other people said it was poo too so we all tried it and the boys still said it was poo but I said it wasn't 'cuz it didn't cuz it didn't taste anything like poo. Then it was nap time and I didn't go to sleep because I wasn't that tired because Monday had went to sleep and then I slept good last night because I was in my warm fuzzy jammies so I didn't take a nap today. But Morgan did because I think she doesn't have warm fuzzy jammies but I do. Then when we woke up and put our napping stuff away we had another story and talked about letters and then .......

You get the picture....

Was there a mistake?

A friend of mine, the amazing mother of two little girls, recently blogged her fears about finding out the gender of her yet-to-be-born #3. She grew up with all sisters, now has two girls, and was quite nervous about the possibility of testosterone streaming in her womb. (Results are in --- Testosterone it is!)

I laughed. Why? Because that's almost exactly what happened to me 7 1/2 years ago. I was so sure I was having a girl. There was no way God would send me a boy because I wouldn't know what to do with it and openly admitted that I just didn't understand little boys. (Not any better with "big boys...") I walked into the ultrasound suite confident in finding the "hamburger sign." You know...Hamburger sign for girls and Turtle sign for boys.

Yet, turtle it was.

I asked the sonographer a million time if she was sure. She was. My measurements were small, so the radiologist was brought in, whom I also drilled. Turtle? You sure? Really?

What was God thinking?

I didn't know what to do with a boy. I had no experience. I didn't get them. I only had 1 brother amid us 4 girls. He was 5 years older than me; that's like 130 years in kid-years. We didn't do anything together. Our daily interaction consisted of my rolling up the sleeves of his Vuarnet T-Shirts every morning (perfectionist little sisters are awesome at this.)

All I had observed I didn't understand. Mayhem and destruction? War? Beating a stick on the ground to find out how long before it disintegrates? Paying someone $0.50 to urinate on the side of their house? (Though it did provide for a lucrative business..) Huh?

But there he was, and still is. Boy, oh, boy. Mayhem and destruction? Check. War? Check. Beating a stick on the ground to find out how long before it disintegrates? Check. Check that one twice, actually. Paying someone $0.50 to ... well, I don't think that one's checked, but I wouldn't be surprised.

Seven years later, and I still don't know what to do with him. I frequently have to glance at his Dad and get the reassurance of "He's not a sociopath, that's just what boys do." For his sake, I've learned to speak GI Joe, Lego, and Avatar like a master. I've learned that the lack of aim is not on purpose - usually - and Clorox Wipes do wonders. I've learned that the amount of dirt and smell on a boy at bedtime is directly correlated to the fun of the day and happiness of the boy. I've learned to not ask "what were you thinking" unless I'm willing to accept the rationale. I've learned to "hear" love told in different ways.

So, friend, you are in for a ride. Brush up on your GI Joe, pull out a sword - or a stick - and hang on. Boys just come different, right out of the box, and I don't just mean in the diaper.

I'll never understand what God was thinking when he gave me this kid, but I'll always be glad he thought of me.

The Difference Between Boys and Girls -- GI Joe Edition

C: "Ready to deploy...We're going to have the bomb everything. All the bad people gotta go!"

A: "Yeah...Can we go to a party after? I like your helmet."

C: "3 - 2 - 1....blast off. Paratroopers moving in. Remember guys you have 24 hours to accomplish the mission. Soldier! Don't forget your gun!"

A: "Mommy, can you make my soldier a purple parachute? I think it would look pretty with his green uniform.?

C: "Soldiers can't have pink parachutes. That would show up too much. They have to have camouflage. Some of you will have to walk. There's not enough room in the plane. Zoooooommmmmmmmm!"

A: "They can ride on my pony. (i.e. My Little Ponies)

C: "Soldiers don't ride of purple ponies. Attention troops move out. Stick to the plan and don't leave a man behind.

A: "I like army men. They're strong. Come on ponies let's go to the war. Wait for us. My ponies need to comb their hair first."

C: (Eyes rolling) "You don't do your hair before battle!"

A: "We could make pretty blue parachutes to match the sky. Or black with sparkles for night!" (Said while twirling...)

C: (Eyes rolling) The soldiers under my command will never have pink or blue parachutes or anything with sparkles. Come on men. It's time to move out---Quick--We gotta get you away from here. Before she turns you into a bunch of princesses!"

A: "Mommy!!!! Carsten won't let me come to his war!!!"