The Difference Between Boys and Girls -- School Edition

Mom: "What did you do at school today?"
Son: "Stuff--I can't remember."
Mom: "Really? Can you tell me just one thing you did?"
Son: "Ummmmm Nope."
Mom: "I'd really like to hear about something you did today."
Son: "Sure...the same stuff we do everything. Think about something else I told you before."



Mom: "What did you do at school today?"
Daughter: "I hung my backpack on a hook by Morgan 'cuz she was wearing a pink shirt today, too. Then we got to play for a little, then had circle time where T.I. got to be the window looker and tell us about the weather, but I don't think he should have got picked 'cuz he wasn't nice to me last Tuesday. Then we had a story and it was about a boy that lived where there was lots of snow and he used trees to make snow shoes so he could see his animals and his Grandma so next time we see Grandma and want to cut down her trees to make shoes. Then we got to have art and painted with our fingers. I used these two fingers because Miss Michelle said to not use our thumbs or pinkies but Jackson used these two fingers then Gwen said that wasn't nice fingers to use but I don't know why. They're just fingers. Then we had number time and we counted all the way to 50 but I can go more. Then at stations I did blocks and bears and did my whole sheet all by myself 'cuz I can do it. But it was too cold and muddy outside so we played inside and learned how to golf and I told them that my daddy had been before and they said their daddy had too, but I don't think that's right. Then Miss Michelle showed me how to told my hands and I hit the ball and got it in the hole and all of us cheered. Then it was lunch and Miss Michelle sprayed the tables and we had Macaroni and Cheese and milk and no one knew what the brown stuff was but Jackson said it was poo and other people said it was poo too so we all tried it and the boys still said it was poo but I said it wasn't 'cuz it didn't cuz it didn't taste anything like poo. Then it was nap time and I didn't go to sleep because I wasn't that tired because Monday had went to sleep and then I slept good last night because I was in my warm fuzzy jammies so I didn't take a nap today. But Morgan did because I think she doesn't have warm fuzzy jammies but I do. Then when we woke up and put our napping stuff away we had another story and talked about letters and then .......

You get the picture....

Overheard...

Abrielle edition:

"Mom, why does Carsten have to taken medicine everyday?
"Because he has allergies and if he doesn't he gets a runny nose and itches all over."


Long pause.....


"Mom, I have allergies, too."
"Really? What are you allergic to?
"Roofs. But not the inside where you sit, just the outside that's black and dirty. They make me sneeze and be grumpy. I think we need to get away from them."

And then there was light........

Dr. Evil did not show. In fact, it was Dr. Mann...the younger. Full head of hair and no air quotes. Definitely not Dr. Evil. Which is good, 'cuz really I probably would have chickened out if any of Mike Myers personas would have walked into my surgical suite.

Funny, that you can go for 25 years seeing one way, then 10 minutes, 2 lasers and an obscene amount of pressure in a left eye that didn't want to numb, and voila....20/40 immediately after surgery.

Keep in mind, before surgery, I was worse than 20/400. What's that like, you lucky, perfect-eyed, non-myopic friends ask? Check out this link for a descent simulation.

http://www.syracuse.com/graphics/index.ssf/2008/03/interactive_simulation_of_gov.html

Honestly, I was a little worse than this simulation. The outlines of the people are way too defined.

By 2 days post-op, I was 20/20. 20/20!!!!

A few weeks out now, and I'm realizing that there is a good and a bad to this high-priced miracle.

First, the good.

1. When thumb-sucking toddlers who physically place all germs directly into their oral cavity for ingestion wander into my room at 2 am coughing and mucousing (Real word, in Shelly-land), I don't have to put my glasses on to determine the color of the mucous or redness of their febrile skin.

2. When I am awakened by loud, suspicious, frightening sounds at 5am on Saturday morning, the kind that result in springing from the bed in fear, I don't have to squint or flail my arms about to find the culprit (Why, oh, why are you awake?)

3. Jason can no longer amuse himself by moving my glasses 12 inches from their designated spot. Pathetic, I know, but for 13 years he has found this activity unbelievably humorous.


And the bad....

1. When I'm really tired at night, I can't buy myself another hour by taking my contacts out.

2. When I'm really tired at night, I go back and forth to the bathroom 10 + times habitually attempting to take my contacts out.

3. I live in fear that one night, then I'm really tired, I'll forget that I don't wear contacts anymore and pull my corneas from my eyes.

I am improving as I have only found myself in the bathroom, staring at the mirror, wondering why I'm here 3 times tonight, so far, and my corneas are still firmly in place.

I think I'll go to bed now, just to avoid any mishaps....

Doctor ???

I am having a little elective procedure done tomorrow and can't seem to get THIS image out of my head....

I have been assured by the consultant, assistant, and optometrist that this is NOT who I will be seeing in the morning.

When Mom-Gut and Medical-Brain Collide....

It started almost 3 weeks ago. The kids started passing around a cold virus. Snot, Hack, Crank...you know the drill. Kid 1 and Kid 2 kicked it, no problem. Go immune system. Kid 3---she flailed about in our bed every night hacking, flopping, snotting, head-butting, whining, wailing, hacking, flopping, hacking.... She could not kick it. Booooo immune system.

Saturday, she gets the ultimatum. "You have until Monday to be better, or you're going to the pediatrician." She coughed at my threat.

Sunday, worse. Much worse. Couldn't stop coughing. Wouldn't eat. Only sipped juice. Flopped on daddy. Learned new word "Ucky!"

Now, I work in medicine. I like to think that I know a good deal about medicine. (I'm sure my patients like to think that, too.) One thing I know I know and know well is this---viral colds do not last more the 14 days. If it's over 14 days---get checked out. There is a secondary infection there somewhere.

So when Jason takes little Lyssi to the clinic, getting worse, after almost 3 weeks of this, I expected a diagnosis indicating location of said infection and antibiotics. What I got was, "Backup doctor said it's just a virus. She'll get over it."

Virus? Did you tell her how long it's lasted? How she has gotten much worse with new symptoms in the last 36 hours? How bad the cough has been the last 36 hours. How much water we used creating our own personal steam room last night? How I haven't slept well in 3 weeks? How much snot is on my pajamas? and Pillow?

Then I got the mini-lecture. "Honey, you're not the practitioner here. You're the mom. You told me to take her in" Yeah, but my mom-gut is talking to my medical-brain and they both know this is not right.

So, medical-brain resumes work. Then received call from Dad. "She's napped for hours." More work. More calls. "She feels warm but her temp is normal." More work. More calls. "Her temp just spiked to 102.7 under her arm, what do you think?"

Bam! Ka-pow!!!!! Mom-gut and Medical-Brain just got together and they both want an appointment at after hours. TONIGHT!

Nice Doctor listens to Mom-Gut's concerns and then to Medical-Brain saying, "Really, I'm not demanding an antibiotics. Just a second opinion."

Nice Doctor agrees with Mom-Gut and tells Medical-Brain he would have done the same thing with his kids. (He's possibly my new backup doctor. The charmer.)

He probes. He prods. He peeks. He peruses. He says everything looks and sounds pretty ok (Boooooo!), but let's start with a chest xray just to be sure, then maybe some lab work.

Droopy toddler didn't care what the big scary looking machines were doing. She stood, she breathed, she layed, and we got to "see her stuff," per Carsten.

The doctor's official read of said xray: Schmutzy Lung
Medical-Brain agreed: Left lower Schmutz

No blatant anything. Just Schmutz....on the left.

Official Diagnosis: Rapidly developing pneumonia with probable sinusitis.

2 doses of Miraculous High Dose Pink stuff later -- no fever and playing for the first time in weeks. (Let's all now shout PRAISE for the pink stuff!)

Moral of story: Occasionally Mom and Practitioner must meet. Or collide. Whatever. Just as long as the prescription written.

Should have been an optician....

What do you get when you take 1 boy, 2 pair of glasses, and 2 weeks of school?

A hunt for someone with a sautering iron and weekly visits to the opticians for adjustments. ("So how's was you son's first game, Bob?")

What is that kid doing with his face? He goes out the door straight and returns looking like the latest attraction in Piza. I never knew glasses could bend that direction.

Only 5 more years until contacts.......

Overheard...

"I didn't lie...I just told you what I thought you were thinking in your head."